(Here is a second draft of my piece about Zoey, newly expanded, for Writer's Workshop feedback.)
You hugged me on the last day of school,
your ponytail swinging and bracelets jingling
as you swept into my room, interrupting another visiting student.
Just two weeks ago you said that mine was your favorite class.
You asked if we could connect on MySpace,
or if you could email me over the summer.
You sent three emails in your IM lingo these past two weeks,
asking what I was up to and if I was reading anything exciting.
Last night your email made my heart skip and my mind whirl in protest.
Impossible words from one so young and feisty.
Yes, feisty, sassy, spirited.
Never quiet, often combative and always opinionated.
Even with your poor spelling skills the words were unmistakable:
Leukemia. Chemotherapy.
A knot tightens in my stomach and disbelief screams.
I imagined you riding your horse this summer,
the wind in your hair as you enjoyed your freedom.
I imagined you working on your mother’s ranch with abused animals,
being annoyed by the goats and chickens,
loving the dogs, and taking special interest in the horses.
Trying to save the world.
Now you are thrown into another battle.
Acute Promyelocytic Mylogenous Leukemia.
Intimidating, weighty, terrifying, life-changing words.
Fight, Zoey.
Use all that energy and fight to save yourself.
You just turned fifteen last month.
So many plans, experiences, dreams, and opportunities await you.
Fight hard, Zoey.
May you win this battle,
to fight the injustices of the world another day.
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Debra - What a moving piece. I especially liked your phrasing of "my mind whirled in protest". I was able to connect an image with that and it immediately tugged on my heart string. I also liked your overall message of fighting to overcome adversity rather that wallowing or asking why.
ReplyDeleteYour changes and additions to the piece allow your message to come through with even more spirit that before.
Hi Debra, your poem about Zoey is so heartfelt. It made my heart sink.The descriptions are so vivid. It made me want to cry. I can feel what you are feeling, that is what good writers do.
ReplyDeleteI thought the first version of this piece was amazing and you successfully took it to another level. Again their were tears. I liked that this time you put a little more detail about the kind of girl Zoey is and what she loves to do. Nice work!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Heidi. I felt like I could relate to Zoey as the person she is more in this piece. What a sad feeling. I can see myself feeling all the emotions you described.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all the encouragement. I am more comfortable writing humorous pieces, so this one was a stretch for me. Heard from Zoey again today...she was only home one day before she was readmitted, so she must really not be tolerating the chemo well.
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